


Those Three Words

by bradleybakers



Category: Spideychelle - Fandom, petermj, spider-man homecoming
Genre: F/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-05-31
Updated: 2019-05-31
Packaged: 2020-04-05 04:52:38
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,231
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/19041502
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/bradleybakers/pseuds/bradleybakers
Summary: Peter tells MJ he loves her, and she doesn’t know if she can say it back.





	Those Three Words

**Author's Note:**

  * For [lanos11](https://archiveofourown.org/users/lanos11/gifts).



> Disclaimer: There are a few mentions of blood throughout this story as well as a major death, this is a warning if things like that make you uneasy!

Michelle wasn’t sure if she was supposed to hear what Peter said. Maybe he was just saying it to the general area they were in. Maybe he was on the phone, bluetooth has really evolved, you know. But the way his hand stopped caressing her arm when she failed to respond told her otherwise.

 

The 3 words that she had feared for all of her life had just left his lips and every single one of her organs shut down. Except for her heart, which was beating louder than ever, she was certain the boy wrapped around her could hear it. Was she supposed to say it back? She wasn’t sure she could do that.

 

It’s not that she _didn’t_ love him, she did; More than anything in the world. The idea of being completely loved for the person she is, really is, was foreign to her. Every day for the past 19 years was spent with people trying to change her to fit their expectations of her. Peter was the only person who had ever truly _seen_ her.

 

Except, it seems he hadn’t seen her. She was convinced that if he had discovered every single part of her, even the ones she kept hidden away, he wouldn’t love her. There wasn’t anything about Michelle to love; She was nearly incapable of holding a conversation, or talking about feelings without making some witty joke in the middle of it.

 

Yet, Peter had just told her he loved her, and she felt like she was spiraling. She never thought they’d reach this point, if she was honest, she thought he would’ve become tired of her after a month of dating. He had no real reason to not be irritated by her, she was incredibly easy to get bored of.

 

One Year into their relationship, she was sure he was going to say he loved her, which would’ve resulted in the same reaction from her; Maybe worse. Except he didn’t, which made her think that maybe he wasn’t going to say it at all, until the day they got married—Not that she was hoping they got married.

 

That’s beside the point. She was expecting him to plan some grand gesture to announce his love for her, whenever he _did_ confess. But here they were, tangled up on Peter’s couch. Book in her hand, _Game of Thrones_ playing in the background. And of course, of course he decided right now was the perfect time to drop something like that on her.

 

It dawned on her then that she had let his words hang in the air for way too long, she could tell by the way he started to shift, uncomfortable and nervous. She thought about ignoring him, pretending she didn’t hear it, which is something that happened often with her, as far as Peter knew.

 

The idea was quickly shoved into the back of her mind when he cleared his throat and leaned up a little, to see her face. “Em? Did you hear me?” His hand left her shoulder, now resting flat against the couch cushion he was laying on. “What? Oh.” She let her book fall, now exposing all of her to him. “Yeah, I just-“

 

She realized just then that she had no idea what she was going to say. She wasn’t sure if she really had a good reason as to _why_ she couldn’t say I Love You back. The only thing coming to mind being that she felt those words were said way too often, and always without meaning. That was a lame excuse though, wasn’t it?

 

“Why are you telling me this?” She threw herself off of the couch, the action being much more dramatic than she intended. “What? I-I wanted you to know. I’ve been trying to figure out how to tell you. For years, MJ.” And damnit if that wasn’t both the worst and best thing she’d ever heard. Silence fell over them again, the usual comfortability of it being lost somewhere in their conversation.

 

“I know you have.” Was all she could get out, the gears in her brain not working fast enough to save herself from this situation. She’d never had to actually say those words to anyone, and frankly she never thought she’d have to. Her furrowed brows and the biting of her lip must’ve clued to him that she was struggling with this.

 

“You don’t have to say it back.” He was sitting up now, looking as if he was having an internal debate as to if he should approach her or not. “I know you don’t want to.” The loss of strength in his voice made Michelle realize that he may have been worried about this just as much as she was. That maybe he thought he was also impossible to be loved, which was total bullshit, if you asked her.

 

Peter Parker was the most lovable human being on the planet. Another reason why she was so confused as to why she couldn’t just _say it_. Sure, the phrase was used way too much for her liking, but it was never used on her. And Peter, well Peter meant everything he ever said. Even the dumb stuff.

 

“You know I want to.” She challenged his words, her concern for herself being replaced with concern for him. “Can I just-“ She decided not to finish the question, knowing she was going to leave no matter his answer. She was going to come back, obviously, but the need for air was eating her alive.

 

Her feet padded against the floor as she made her exit, grabbing her shoes, not bothering to put them on before leaving. She knew he wouldn’t follow her, either out of fear or respect, she couldn’t decide. She refused to turn back, not knowing what she would do if she saw his face right now.

 

—

 

Peter contemplated following her, soon realizing that it was really not the best idea. After pacing around his apartment for way too long, he decided to go patrolling, something that always cleared his mind. It was both freeing and constricting, the ability of being able to see everything and go anywhere he wanted making his adrenaline pick up, but the restraint of being stuck in a spandex suit for hours at a time making his stomach twist.

 

The familiar sensation of the New York air immediately making his shoulders loosen, finally feeling like he could breathe. The city seemed quiet tonight, a rare occurrence. But it figures that every criminal would choose _tonight_ to lay low, the night he needed their distractions the most. He didn’t return home though, he found comfort on the roof of a building, swinging his legs off the side.

 

He tried his hardest not to think about the deafening silence that followed after he told MJ he loved her, however he’d never been very good at blocking things out. His heart sat on his sleeve, it always had, something he was usually thankful for. But not right now, when he was supposed to be helping drunk teenagers return home.

 

There hadn’t been a time since they’d started dating where he didn’t feel love for her, she was, without a doubt, the easiest person to love. Maybe second to May, and maybe third to Ned. Still, it counts. He couldn’t pinpoint the exact moment he realized he loved her, he just knew it was always there.

 

Every time she entered a room his stomach would knot and he would start fidgeting against his will. It took him several months to get himself until control whenever she was around, which she teased him for, after noticing his unfamiliar calmness. His habit, however, returned on their first date— An arcade date, where she beat his ass in every game they played— But rather than making fun of him, a classic MJ reaction, she held his hand.

 

And that became her new response, whenever he would fidget, she held his hand. Whenever he would rant about everything and anything, she held his hand. Even when they were just sitting at Peter’s kitchen table doing homework, she would hold his hand. He loved her.

 

He’d fallen so deep into his thoughts he didn’t notice the approaching person until the ear aching, manic laughter surrounded him. Whipping his head around, he discovered Green Goblin staring back at him. This wasn’t his first encounter with the monster, except, he thought he was dead.

 

The shock of seeing him wore off a lot slower than it should have, not being any help to Peter. The voice, that he knew all too well, flooded his ears. It hit him then, ‘It’ being the realization as well as Green Goblins fist. Harry Osborn had come to avenge his father by destroying his enemies one at a time, and he was starting with Spider-Man.

 

—

 

Michelle really had no idea where she was going, she figured she’d head home. But not in any particular rush to get scolded by her father for being home past curfew, she took the long way home. It was about an hour longer—Which would’ve irritated her any other day,— But it added time for her to fathom and excuse and to think over what had happened in the past hour.

 

She loved Peter, at least she thought she did. She loved the way he brought her tea in the morning when he’d known she’d stayed up especially late the night before. She loved when he brought her books that he’d found in the cheap store down the road that he thought she’d enjoy, even if she already read them.

 

She thinks, though, what she loved the most was the way he never hesitated to help people. Obviously, it was his hero complex. But, if Michelle was Spider-Man, she wouldn’t help the bad guys, because then what’s the point? She would also tell the entire school, just to rub it in everyone’s faces.

 

She would never understand how Peter kept quiet, especially because he did an absolutely horrible job of it. She discovered his alter ego within the first year of him being said alter ego. It was a mystery to her how the whole world was still in the dark.

 

It was then; passing by the arcade where they had their first date, that she thought about turning around and running back to his house. Maybe she could say it, she could force it out, right? Though, she knew it wasn’t something that should be forced.

 

And, emotionally, it wasn’t. Her whole heart belonged to him, and she knew that. Putting it into words, however, was the hard part. She’s aware that it wasn’t _supposed_ to be a difficult declaration and part of her felt like she was overthinking the whole thing. Yet, the logical part of her had decided that she had every right to be afraid of promising herself to someone in that way, because those _three_ words were the most tender promise of love there was, obviously.

 

She was so enveloped in her feelings, she didn’t even notice the fussing around her until she accidentally ran into someone’s shoulder. Walking through Times Square was always a hassle, she doubted they even noticed but she figured she should check on them regardless.

 

Her eyes met the back of their head, the person wasn’t even paying attention; Neither was everybody else standing in the area. Every last person had their head tilted up or quirked sideways. Following their gazes she was soon blinded by the hundreds of illuminated screens, all broadcasting the same thing.

 

Something she hadn’t seen on TV for a very long time. Her own personal superhero, looking larger than life, and ready to web someone. Every camera seemed to only be focused on him, which was absolutely no help to Michelle, as she was trying to meet his opponent.

 

She vowed to stay on the outside of the crowd, knowing she was going to be fleeing the second she recognized where he was; But all she could see was streets, nothing looked familiar to her. That was until the camera’s finally panned over to focus on the maniacal looking beast who seemed to be completely oblivious to the several cameras.

 

As she was looking at the surroundings, her mind was suddenly flooded with the thoughts of _Where is the police?_ How could they just not be there? Maybe they were all dead, the villain facing Peter looked as if he would kill anybody in his path. Her own thought made her heart rate pick up as she frantically began asking bystanders if anyone recognized the buildings around Spider-Man and his fellow mutant.

 

“Looks like West 33rd Street to me.” Was the only response she received, so she just accepted it. Running from West 44th to West 33rd was something Michelle would never do even if you paid her, but the psychotic eyes of the freak standing across from Peter made her completely forget how far they apart they were.

 

Never had she been so thankful to have long legs, and for the New York climate. Her face kept heating up at the thought of her boyfriend being completely limp by the time she reached him, and the cool air kept her adrenaline rushing.

 

As she approached Penn Station, she convinced herself she was in the wrong place. That is, until, a heavy _Thwip_ echoed throughout the area. She was directly across the street from Spider-Man and the criminal she now recognized as Green Goblin, someone Peter had already fought; and killed.

 

They had started fighting sometime in the 12 minutes it took MJ to get from A to B, and the police had arrived, as well as what looked to be the FBI. The cop cars lined the entire street, each officer hiding behind their doors with their guns resting in their hands. Yet again, they were letting the local hero do their job.

 

He did a damn good job of it, but sometimes he needed extra help. Despite his protests whenever she mentioned it to him, she knows he can’t handle every antihero on his own.

 

Her weak legs carried her the extra length to reach the dozens of cars. She didn’t even bother to duck down as she kept walking before a hand gripped her arm, pulling her back, keeping her behind the caution tape that marked the fight scene.

 

Before she could say anything, she was turned around, now facing an officer, not much older than her. “What do you think you’re doing, Miss?” His words were harsh but his tone was concerned, he must’ve thought she was insane. “What does it look like i’m doing? I’m going to keep Spider-Man from getting killed!” She impatiently ripped her arm away from him.

 

“Look, Ma’am. I love that hero just as much as you do, but I cannot let you cross that tape. It’s dangerous for civilians.” And what _bullshit_ that was, he didn’t love Peter as much as she did, not even close—She loves him. She _loves_ him.

 

“He’s not a hero! He’s a _kid!_ ” The words slipped out of her mouth before she could censor herself, probably convincing the NYPD that Spider-Man was actually a 10 year old boy. The officer gave her a puzzling look, but the masked heroes age was a conversation for another time.

 

“Then we’ll take care of it, this is no place for you. I’m sorry, Miss. There’s nothing I can do.” A few other deputies were now watching the frantic teenager beg to be let into the war zone. “You can let me in.” Her eyes grazed across the lot, focusing on Peter’s quick reflexes failing him, his body meeting the ground with an especially loud smack.

 

“Let me in or so god help me I will take that gun from you and shove it so far up your-“ She didn’t get to finish her threat, as the officer quickly moved out of the way, not testing his chances. Peter was back on his feet, relief overwhelming Michelle as she ducked under the caution tape.

 

The fear hit her then, she could die, she _would_ die. Peter would have to relive Gwen’s death, almost exactly. She turned back around, ready to run for the hills, or to Peter’s house more precisely. She could just wait for him there, pretend she didn’t sprint 11 blocks in 12 minutes to get here. As far as he knew, she never even made it down the elevator.

 

Almost as if on cue, his voice flooded her ears. “MJ?” His tone was laced with disbelief, as if he thought she’d fade away right in front of him. “Miche-” Whatever he was going to say next was cut short, the unanimous gasp and cocking of guns telling her exactly what she didn’t want to know. As she pivoted her feet, she never could’ve braced herself for the image displayed before her.

 

Her boyfriend, the boy who had given her everything, was hanging from the villains fist; His torso dripping blood. Exclamations and cries filled the air around Michelle, Green Goblin taking this as a chance to release Spider-Man and disappear before the NYPD could aim and fire. Part of her was waiting for webs to fly up from the ground and latch onto the criminal.

 

But they never came.

 

Her feet finally started moving, launching her forward. She didn’t have to do much searching, as she found him leaning against a wall, his mask off. His face was tilted downwards, and Michelle wondered if he was already gone, if she had missed her chance, again.

His eyes landed on her and the dopey smile that she’d fallen for found its place on his lips. “Hey, Em.” His weak voice made her stomach drop, she collapsed on the ground next to him. “What are you doing here?” Of course that was his main concern right now, why she wasn’t home.

 

“I was just-That’s not important right now.” His body rested against hers, her being his only source of support. “You should go home, it’s late.” She was planning on it, but she had to stay there long enough for his wound to heal itself. It always took longer if he didn’t patch it up.

 

“I’m not leaving. You’re hurt.” She tried to make her voice as firm as she could, but it came out shaky. “I’m fine, MJ.” And he was, or he would be, eventually. At least she thought he would be, until she glanced down. He wasn’t healing, in fact he was still gushing blood.

 

“Peter, why aren’t you healing? Aren’t you supposed to be able to heal yourself?” Her panic set in, not helping his own fear. “I just got stabbed by a maniac with stolen SHIELD tech.” He breathed out a laugh, which didn’t match the tone of the current situation at all. “You don’t just _heal_ from that stuff.”

 

Not wanting him to go into some nerdy explanation, MJ turned her body towards to officers standing a bit of ways behind her before looking back at him. “Then I have to take you to the hospital.” She knew it wasn’t a good idea, he’s _Spider-Man_ for god’s sake.

 

“Hey.” He pressed his hand against her cheek, forcing her to maintain eye contact. “It’s not worth it.” Just as the words left his mouth, tears started spilling from her eyes. He knew what was going to happen, and so did she. She could deny it as long as she wanted to, but this night would end the same way.

 

“God, Peter. You’re so stupid, you know that?” Her voice came out in waves, cracking. “Tell me something I don’t know.” He smiled at her again, and goddamn she hated it. She realized then, she could use this chance to say it back. It would’ve been her last chance. Surely she’d had enough time to think it over, she knew she loved him. Did he know she loved him?

 

His breath began faltering as she struggled to say the phrase she had been contemplating all day. His hand lost its grip on her face, just barely staying up. “I love you. Did you know that?” Her voice hung in the air as his fingers slid down her cheek, his eyes turning cold.

 

And as Peter Parker took his last breath, she wondered if he’d heard her. If he’d ever know.

 

“Peter?” Her once weak voice gained all of its strength as she tried to revive him. “Peter! No!” She felt herself being pulled away, someone was speaking to her. But everything around her faded out as she watched his lifeless body remain where she had just held him in her arms.

 

—

 

“I’m so sorry for your loss.” This was the _sixth_ person to approach Michelle and May in the past _ten_ minutes. She didn’t even know who half of these people were, she just knew they were all connected to Peter in some way. Or were paid off by Tony Stark to _pretend_ they were connected to him, that’s at least what it seemed like.

 

She also knew that almost none of them were sorry, they were just saying that because that’s what you’re supposed to say when someone dies. She doubted that any of them even cared. And maybe it was selfish of her to think that, some of them did know Peter and they were allowed to grieve too. She knew that.

 

But she was tired of people trying to shake her hand and get her to hold eye contact while they talked about _how_ they knew him. She didn’t even want to be here, but she wanted to be there for May and Ned. They were mourning just as much as she was.

 

Which is why she was currently clinging to May’s side, while Ned babbled to each avenger about their shared love for the local hero. There was more people here than she expected, even Flash showed up. Which shocked her, to say that least.

 

She was shaken out of her thoughts when May gently placed her hand on Michelle’s shoulder, “I’m gonna go mingle around a bit, make sure everyone’s okay.” Her smile couldn’t help but make the younger girl automatically feel safe. “Yeah, okay.” She really didn’t want to be away from her right now, but she figured May could use the separation from her.

 

She made her way to the kitchen, thinking about how she wished she got more time alone today. She’d been around people since they buried Peter that morning, never once having a break from them. It was probably better that she didn’t have time to herself, though; She didn’t know what she’d do alone while in this state.

 

Her thoughts—As well as her bee line to the kitchen— Were interrupted by the man who had, for once, managed to not make something about himself. “Michelle, I’m so sorry about what happened. You know I loved the kid, I just wish I could’ve been there.” Tony stood in front of her, his face covered in hurt.

 

“Why weren’t you, then?” Her grief turned into anger, just at the sight of him. “Michelle, I would’ve been if I co-“ She had no interest in listening to whatever he was about to say to her. “You should’ve _been there_ . You loved him, right? So where the hell were you when he needed you _most_?” Her eyebrows knitted together as she quickly gathered the attention of everyone in the room without meaning to.

 

“He was a kid, Tony. You said it yourself. You and that cosplay group of yours prance around like you care about everyone and everything but that ‘kid’ couldn’t handle that by himself and you _know it_ !” Her fists hung at her sides, and her volume was rising rapidly. “I-I didn’t even get to tell him I loved him! You all had that chance _every day_! Yet all you ever did was make him feel like he had to handle everything by himself all the time!”

 

Her eyes were filling with tears as May hurried over to her, trying to stop her before she got too far. “And none of you could save him. None of you even _tried_.” Tony’s tired eyes stared back at her, she knew he wanted to argue but the better part of him realized she was also only a kid.

 

“MJ, come here, come on.” May wrapped herself around the girl, trying to get her to stay up, seeing as she was falling to the floor. “I didn’t get to tell him, I didn’t.” Her voice became muffled, she was now sitting on the floor in Peter’s aunts arms. His best friend and last father figure crouching in front of her, keeping the crowd from staring.

 

“He knew.” May spoke quietly as she held Michelle, “Trust me, he knew.” And he did, he’d known for a long time. She was never good at expressing her feelings, he knew that too, which is why he didn’t request that she say it back.

 

Still, not a day went by where Michelle didn’t think about that night. Not even when she was standing at the altar of her own wedding, and especially not when she spent every Christmas with May.

 

She loved Peter Parker, and she always would.

  
  


**Author's Note:**

> This was so hard to write but for some reason I really wanted to do it so I did it. 
> 
> Twitter @/mcheiiejones


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